I have been eyeing this book on Amazon for quite a while and I finally bought it and began reading it a couple weeks ago: More Than a Mom (Living a full and balanced life when your child has special needs). The first couple chapters made me roll my eyes at the typical "make time for yourself, get enough sleep, eat right, etc. because you can't care for your child if you are not cared for yourself, blah, blah, blah." Moms who are not new to this tend to find that stuff trite after a while. However, now that I am more than halfway through the book I can see some useful advice and anecdotes, even for seasoned moms. I know I am a bit jaded and after I read more I realized that I needed to be reminded of these fundamental truths when you raise special needs children:
1. You are still you. Just because it feels like you have lost your identity doesn't mean it is not still there for you to reconnect with.
2. Your health WILL suffer if you do not stop to address it at some point. This is inevitable. Your physical health, mental and spiritual health as well, will suffer from neglect. Just expect this if you cannot take care of it as you go along.
3. Just like your health, your marriage and other close relationships will also suffer if neglected because your child is all consuming. Also put this on your list of inevitable.
4. Guilt is only meant to take you so far and then it is downright destructive. I believe that guilt exists to spur us to do the right thing, but women, especially, experience guilt way, way beyond it's intended usefulness. Yes, you are her/his mother and yes you do know your child better than anyone but you are not your son/daughter's only parent.....we are all children of God and have to keep faith alive so we are not burdened with the worries of the universe.
I am writing this list for myself, because I am always ignoring these truths. The present moment with my daughter is always too pressing for me to step back and observe anything this encompassing. But if I don't look at the overall journey sometimes, I won't know where I am headed.
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Great work Becky, keep up the writing and info on the subject, find other blogs on motherhood and autism you will develop a great communication piece for mothers like yourself. I have had my blog for a year and it is a wonderful place to communicate with others at the same place in their life.
ReplyDeletebarbara
#4 is a good reminder for every mom. I like the thought of "we are all God's Children..." as a way to ease that all-consuming worry. Worry, Worry, Worry. That's my inheritance and I see it manifesting itself in my children.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the "birth" of your new blog! I look forward to learning more about your thoughts. Peace, my friend.
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